True reality

I have spent as long as I can remember of this life trying to find my reason. I look for a place to belong. The searching has brought me many disapointments. Even when i seemingly find the peace and fullfilment I so desperately need, in the end it is fleeting.
Only now do I find my reason, it may not be too do something extroidanary in the eyes of any person, including myself. I have finaly found the answer I seek. It is to just BE here. To let go of any false ambition and to BE who God created ME to BE.
To come what may! My life is in your hands. Completely.
I will not strugle or strive. I will not judge others or myself. That is Gods job. Oh i have lived many years, trying to know what is best for myself and for others. Believing that I was doing the christain thing. I tried to judge not lest I be judged. Trying to remember that the same measure I judge others, would be how I would be judged. I felt so holy, so rightous even now in this writing could i not feel rightous. Show me my errogance. Forgive me. Now though I put it all in your hands God. Truly I do. Again and again
Please lord let me be true. To keep my eyes on you. Looking always inward to where you dwell in me. To be all you want me to be. But to not strive on my own. For it is you, in your reality, that true purpose comes. My reality is false.
I will fall short at times, but no worries for Jesus is here with me. Others will not aprove at times, but no worries Jesus is with me. Jesus is, Always, with me.




CP

Smile

While lying in bed with my eyes closed I imagined a tear flowing out of the corner of my eye and down my cheek. I emmediately got verry sad. Then I remembered the tear was only imaginary and put a purposeful smile on my lips. And was joyful once again.
CP

Affirm me

I am not certain, but I Believe that others think as I do, because, I judge others by the same measure I judge myself.
Therefore when I say we, I mean it honestly and sencerily.
From my point of view. So therefore, I say that we are all looking for affirmation.

We are each insacure in some point. We keep it hidden from others to not appear weak, vunrable, insacure or out of controll, but we all are. But since we seek affirmation we cannot appear so. We need our confirmation that we are sane and rightous. So we each desire inwardly that we will be confirmed. Today let me be confirmed, let me put on my right face, so that someone will notice. They will pinpoint that area of insacurity within me
and affirm me.

Lord let me be true!
Too mine own self and who you created me to be.
You are creative, I am unique.
No worries! You are with me.

CP

Sanity on a napkin

Middle life

I find myself looking back at the promises I made myself, the ones that Helped me through the first half of my life. I find though, some are impossible to keep to myself. However, they are so much apart of me, that I can't let go. But I must. They are a waight around me that intraps. Pulls me down into depression. My justification to my hormones.
With there lure of hoplesness.
The dreams were only there to help for the moment. I am not who i was. I am who i am becoming. I am in the second half of mortality.
On my way to the one who's promises are always true.
I will not make new promises to myself. I will live today, as it comes. Not of yesterday, not of tomorrow. Only today. This very time in my life. The best day, if I can only forget,the lie of the promise made in vain and look to the promises of truth. Promises not of this flesh, but of Jesus's Blood.
CP

Creator/Creative

The creator is a creative God!
He created me in his image. And I am at the most balanced when I am everything he created me to be, creative.
To not be separate, but whole, at peace. I am unique. One of a kind.
Created by a creative God!

CP

My God is everywhere

He is with each and Every person, wright now. He sees there fears and failures. The deepest parts of the heart. And he cries with them in their silence. The place no one but they can see.
But to see they do not. Easier to not. So the silence they miss. CP


CP

Having a blue moment

I want to go to a place were I can be forgotten, because, I feel I am forgotten. So I become forgotten. CP
3:31 PM
Then the moment is gone!

Sorting it out

Sometimes I get a thought and I feel it is verry important to meditate upon. I know it could be a release to imbrace it's fullness, however, it eludes me.

Here is such a thought!

I have knowledge that Christ gave himself so that I could be forgiven. But I feel I deserve the consoquinces of my actions, and at times I even cause pain and suffering to come into my life due to self fullfiling prophecy. If I could only have the wisdom to except All of what Christ meant by the cross, I could be free from all self condemnation. So as I pray for wisdom and knowledge, I pray it gets not only in my thinking, but also in that part of my being that makes me who I am. I AM FORGIVEN!
CP