The Pain of My Memory

Sometimes without warning, there it is, the past. It comes upon unaware, unsolicited. In a dream in a song on the raidio on tv or on a billboard. All of a sudden wam, it smacks you in your memory. The file cabinet of the mind opens it's drawer of it's own accord. Sometimes the history file contains fond memories of security, peace and fondness. Sometimes it brings up bitter pains and sadness. Sometimes it brings revalation of things denied and better left hidden in the resesses of the memory.
Are there lessons to be learned or only a type of torture when the scene turns black and gloomy? Things left denied come to gloom!
We know in an instant where to project a preacious memory. Upon the screen of our minds eye it goes. In full color then stored away for another switch to turn it on and bring it forward.
While the unwanted, the denied truths of disapoinments past, wait In the soul to poison once again as we fight to push it down into the deep. Do I ponder or do I destroy? Destruction in any case.
Where does my hope come from? My hope comes from the Lord!
I do not know if God writes the histories or if that is left to man. I imagine it is up to both God and man, determined by the asking and the telling and the all knowing. I do believe he records them, every one, and every one upon my soul is registered.
What then are there purpose if any good is to be found? Maybe to test the strength of will and belief that strength will come. Or maybe to cause us to strive to have a desire for peace within our spirits and upon this earth. Maybe to test Our resolve to live in forgivness of others and our self. What ever there purpose I can not say, for sure, except to know that it is the nature of mind to destroy the spirit, and spirit to heal the mind.
So into the spirit should go the mind. And the soul of the spirit be God. Record my heart as yours dear LORD!
CP

Treasure to Trash

The thing I treasure today will be in my way tomorrow.

Not alone in doubt

I sometimes see or think about people who seem so positive in there resolve. They speak with authority and move forward on a path they seem to see clearly.
I on the otherhand Flander and feel at a loss as to what path I should be on.
I turn my question towards heaven. For an answer I recall the instruction Manuel. I reflect upon the examples set before me within it's pages. From Adam to John, I see there doubt and confusion. Even a hesitant or missplaced step from time to time. I read about there fears and anger. They felt at a loss at times, not knowing what would happen next. They suffered from unbelief and lost focus at times. But they rallied when it counted most. They held there head towards the heavens and the one true God. I imagine to an outsider it apeared that they had it all together, that they were confident and new there path clearly. We have an inside picture though and I am confident to know...... They were just like me...... Just like you......

Who am I? 4 real

If it wern't for manners, etiquette, and protocol who would I be?

Know who you are 4 real

It makes us feel vulnerable to let others know who we are. They may take that information and use it to hurt us. We resist even knowing who we are for fear that knowing will make us weak and sinful in Gods eyes. If we deny who we are then we can pretend to be who we want to be. Then, we falsely believe that we are what God, others and ourslves believe we should be.

CP

BE, in peace

Whatsoever a man thinketh in his heart so he is. If I can think, believe and imagine that I am peacfull then I am.

Love Hurts

Do we do a service or disservice, when we tell someone we love the Truth they don't want to hear? It's easiest to say nothing at all. But then when they want you to comfort them in their own deceit and it might could make a difference to reveille their denial, what then?
Love Hurts, coming and going. CP

Comfort in my skin

Inside this skin I am. I'm in here trying to get out. I know you can hear me.
Yes and me too. I'm here as well.
And me too.
Who am I really, inside this skin?
I cannot be all things to all people. So to thine ownself be true. So they say.
But I am couragious and weak.
I am smart yet dumb.
I am like a fire in the wind.
All within this skin I will BE.

Serve in Selfishness

I am selfish, God knows it, I know it, you know it. I pray I wasn't. But I am. To ignore it is ignorance. To except it is wisdom. Only when I recognize and ackknowledge it can I address it. I suspect that selfishness is one of the sins that kept my lord on the cross. It surely was the reason they put him there. I also suspect that there are many today that are SERVING my lord out of selfishness. But is this so wrong? We ALL have and are and will be sinners. God knows that we are sinners and selfishness runs deep. It's not new news to him. However we ourselves deny it's ever being a true hold.
To be Rightous I must not be selfish. But yet I am and I am.

I pray dear lord use me in spite of my selfish nature. Take the verry nature I ignore yet am. I give to you my SELFisness. Use it to serve your purpose. Be creative in Me and My.
CP

Focus

Absent minded I am. I made myself a note and don't remember what the note was about.
Something about putting purposeful thought to remembering.
Oh well! So much for that!
CP