The Pain of My Memory

Sometimes without warning, there it is, the past. It comes upon unaware, unsolicited. In a dream in a song on the raidio on tv or on a billboard. All of a sudden wam, it smacks you in your memory. The file cabinet of the mind opens it's drawer of it's own accord. Sometimes the history file contains fond memories of security, peace and fondness. Sometimes it brings up bitter pains and sadness. Sometimes it brings revalation of things denied and better left hidden in the resesses of the memory.
Are there lessons to be learned or only a type of torture when the scene turns black and gloomy? Things left denied come to gloom!
We know in an instant where to project a preacious memory. Upon the screen of our minds eye it goes. In full color then stored away for another switch to turn it on and bring it forward.
While the unwanted, the denied truths of disapoinments past, wait In the soul to poison once again as we fight to push it down into the deep. Do I ponder or do I destroy? Destruction in any case.
Where does my hope come from? My hope comes from the Lord!
I do not know if God writes the histories or if that is left to man. I imagine it is up to both God and man, determined by the asking and the telling and the all knowing. I do believe he records them, every one, and every one upon my soul is registered.
What then are there purpose if any good is to be found? Maybe to test the strength of will and belief that strength will come. Or maybe to cause us to strive to have a desire for peace within our spirits and upon this earth. Maybe to test Our resolve to live in forgivness of others and our self. What ever there purpose I can not say, for sure, except to know that it is the nature of mind to destroy the spirit, and spirit to heal the mind.
So into the spirit should go the mind. And the soul of the spirit be God. Record my heart as yours dear LORD!
CP